FWD: Don’t Get Fooled Again

SOME CHILDREN ARE QUICK

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
Didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand….
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
_________ ________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
________________________________

LAUGHTER IS THE SOUL’S MEDICINE!!

FORWARD THIS TO ALL THE APRIL FOOLS YOU KNOW!
#APRIL FOOLS DAY

(EMAIL FORWARD CIRCA 2011)

About these ads

FWD: Qualifier for the Use of the F Word #4

Head In The Sand

They say you shouldn’t bury your head in the sand.

Your Call!

DontBuryYourHeadInTheSand

Moment of Truth:
Bury your Head in the Sand?   OR     Keep it out?

FORWARD this to everyone who is trying to keep their head above water!  You can do it!

(EMAIL FORWARD CIRCA 2006)

FWD: Parents Just Don’t Understand

I will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER……

 
I will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER……

I will never complain about MY kids again…

I will never complain about MY kids again …

I will never complain about MY kids again…

I will never complain about MY kids again…

I will never complain about MY kids again…

 

 

image0022


image01515

image01414

image01313

image01212

image01111

image01010

image0099

image0088

image0077

image0066

image0055

image0044

image0033

I will never complain about MY kids again…

FORWARD this to every parent who complains about their kids.  It could be worse.

 

FWD: Baby Hugs

How a Dog Hugs A Baby!

The K9 above is Brutus, a military K9 at McChord.. … BrutusHe’s huge – part Boxer and part British Bull Mastiff and tops the scales at 200 lbs.

His handler took the picture. Brutus is running toward me because he knows I have some Milkbone treats, so he’s slobbering away! I had to duck around a tree just before he got to me in case he couldn’t stop, but he did.

Brutus was the recipient of the Congressional Medal of Honor last year from his tour in Iraq. His handler and four other soldiers were taken hostage by insurgents. Brutus and his handler communicate by sign language and he gave Brutus the signal that meant ‘go away but come back and find me’. The Iraqis paid no attention to Brutus. He came back later and quietly tore the throat out of one guard at one door and another guard at another door. He then jumped against one of the doors repeatedly (the guys were being held in an old warehouse) until it opened. He went in and untied his handler and they all escaped. He’s the first K9 to receive this honor.

If he knows you’re ok, he’s a big old lug and wants to sit in your lap. He enjoys the company of cats.

K-9 Congressional Medal of Honor Winner thought you’d find this interesting. Talk about animal intelligence and bonding with humans!

Remember that they can’t do a lot of things for themselves and they depend on you to make their life a quality life!

Instructions for properly hugging a baby (from a dog’s point of view):

1. First, uh, find a baby.

 baby1

2. Second, be sure that the object you found  was indeed a baby, by employing classic sniffing techniques.
baby2
3. Next, you will need to flatten the baby before actually beginning the hugging process.
baby3
4. The ‘paw slide’ = Simply slide paws around baby and prepare for possible close-up.
baby4
5. Finally, if a camera is present, you will need to execute the difficult and patented ‘hug, smile, and lean’ so as to achieve the best photo quality.
baby5

It will be a shame if you don’t pass this along!
Please forward to all that you know!

FWD: Kids Say The Darndest Things!

What Is Butt Dust???

1957 edition illustrated by Charles Schulz

1957 edition illustrated by Charles Schulz

What, you ask, is ‘Butt dust’? Read on and you’ll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative! Kids say the darndest things!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two?
“Is one for hot and one for cold milk?’
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more.
Melanie said, ‘If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.’
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night.
‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’
BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked:
‘How does it know it’s me?’
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups.
‘Please don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked:
‘How much do I cost?’
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked
what was troubling him, he replied,
‘I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant.. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad:
‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked,
‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’
is particular Sunday sermon…’Dear Lord,’ the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face.
‘Without you, we are but dust…’
He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice,
‘Mom, what is butt dust?’

Make sure you Forward this one on and spread the smiles…..

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!